When Memories Take A Toll…


Just like the rain pouring down, slipping off my window pane, i feel the wetness on my face, crawling down slowly to my lips and then slide away silently, as if it were never there! Huhhh… Guess some memories are too strong to let go…!!

I close my eyes and a slide show begins of some of my life’s best moments which now lie like twigs and thorns in a bunch of roses. Hurt and burnt i feel inside, something that was to be forgotten has now traced its steps back, making me feel alone and left out!! Its not a good feeling, trust me!! Its strange to believe that at one point of time all i wanted was immortality of those moments and now… I wish i could tell you exactly how I feel of them!!

The face that lies in those slides, now burnt and engraved in my heart, is one that i once never wanted to let go. Why don’t memories walk in sync with the feelings of one’s heart? Alas, I shall never find that out… The time has gone and all that is left are the broken fragments that spread the fragrance of a crushed rose in the air… I can feel it, I can smell it!! Its just like a deadly flower, luring you towards itself with its sight but inside crushing you, and leaving you hollow with each second you spend with it! But then I guess, somethings are infact inevitable… We need to learn to tame our heart and teach it the art of living with all the wounds that lie down under deception!

As i fall back in time all the jokes now seem to be horrors, all dreams now look like nightmares, all feelings now look fake and all promises, a lie!! I now lie in a fix… I need to know what should i do? I cannot lie down forgetting everything as that is something I have tried, and failed!! And neither can I live with it, knowing it hurts me every second making me feel sore all the time… My patience now seems to desolve with time and my abilities now loose their strength!! It’s easy to lie to palefaces than trying to fool your own conscience. Only if I knew how to burn these broken pieces I would pass in peace for I know that is never going to happen and I am left in pain, fear and dread. So now i quench with thirst of love, a thirst of changing those moments of foreverness into nothingness. Yet once again, I fail…

All I now can do is sit in solitude and question the silence of this rain, for why can I not wash away this pain just like how rain drops disappear leaving a sensation, a mild feeling of something that existed is now gone! Why can I not let those fragments of time pour down like you and relieve my heart! Why can i not cloak my tears as rain and sit down an eternity thinking that my travail is not alone, *silent smile* a relief in disguise…

So, as I sit back and open my eyes the reality comes flashing back. For the first time in all these months I knew I had one place to escape, one place where I could silently sit knowing no one else exists except me and my solitude, my own mind. The pain still haunts and in my dream, the only dream which is not a nightmare, I still sit by the window, watching the rain pour down from the brink of heavens like my companion, still letting me stay all alone…

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5 thoughts on “When Memories Take A Toll…

  1. Sahil Bhardwaj says:

    ohk…

  2. Sahil Bhardwaj says:

    they say life is not all bout sweet moments ,laughter and joy,
    its also bout the loss ,heartbreaks and lies..
    so what if the decision i made was wrong,
    i am still happy for the fact that i got a lesson of life to learn..

  3. smita says:

    wow u write so well, but i want u to write happy moments of ur life now….just think about people who don’t deserve u don’t get u…i was want u to be happy :)

    • thats so sweet of you!! I’ll surely write about that as well… I am just walking along the time frame :) good moments are next in the queue :) hope you’ll have a nice time flipping through that :)

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